I've been waiting for you.

“Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.” ―Hal Borland

It's 2010. I have no idea what this year has in store for me. And.that.is.so.exciting. The idea of new dreams, unending possibilities, fresh horizons and opportunities I could never have imagined for myself is almost overwhelming. But in a good way. This year I want to keep my hands out wide open waiting for whatever God has in store for me. I want to be completely surrendered to Him not expecting anything in return but knowing anything can happen. I long to rejoice in the good times as well as through the hard times no matter how challenging they may be. I want to wake up each morning with great expectancy knowing that even the ordinary and monotonous things that each day brings are gifts. I want to love more, hug more, forgive more, rejoice more, give more, learn more and grow more. I don’t think it is wrong to dream, want or desire things as long as I keep my hands open and surrendered to God. Whatever I get, whatever comes my way and whatever happens this year is just icing on the cake. I have the sweetest gift of all and nothing has ever or will ever compare to that. And that is the gift of Salvation. I don’t need anything else because He has gone and prepared a place for me. Wow. Sometimes I can’t even fathom what that will look like, smell like or feel to the touch of my new heavenly body. It is going to be an amazing day when the time comes and until then, I want to be Kingdom minded until the Lord returns or takes me home.

So, welcome home 2010. I have been waiting for you. Come in, take your shoes off and sit and stay for a while.

Farewell 2009

Tomorrow is a new year, a fresh start, a clean slate. I like markers. I welcome new beginnings. I look forward to starting over.

2009 held its fair share of ups and downs not only for me but for many people that I hold near and dear to me. It was a year filled with challenges, job layoffs, unknowns and thoughts of “will this ever pass?” But even in the midst of pain, trials and hardships, there was much joy and beauty that came out of it. It is truly in our deepest and darkest hours that we hear the silent whisper of God. It is in times of physical and emotional distress that when we are weak, He is strong. It is when we are so low in the valley of life that we get to see Him raise us up on the mountain tops and show us a view we can only see through His eyes. And it is beautiful.

Though I would never wish anything I went through on anyone else, I can honestly look back and be thankful that He was with me through it all. I have a deeper understanding of who God is, where He is in times of need and how faithful He always is no matter the hurdle large or small. When I can’t handle it anymore, He can. When I can’t take it anymore, He can. And He promises He will.

Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. – Psalm 55:22

I am a sinner. I am not perfect (big surprise). My mentor once told me that when we go through hard times is when we are reminded of our need for a Savior. And that is so true. I have never had a year where I have been more humbled, more reliant on God and more in need of a Savior than ever before. I got to see a different side of me I have never seen before. Some things needed to go and some things needed to stay. Some things needed to be dusted off that were long forgotten and some new things needed to be put on. I love that God loves us so much that He never wants us to remain the same yet He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow because He is God. He is the one who continues to grow us, raise us up and refine us to be more like Him. It can just be a painful process at times when we (er, me) are stubborn!

So as I reflect back on 2009 and look through my muddied eyeballs, I see SO many blessings: amazing new marriages, incredible old marriages, cuddles of newborn babies, new relationships, sustained old friendships, growth, humbleness, peace, a new home, provision, abounding measures of love, closeness, family, dear friends, lots and lots of hugs, lay offs (this was a blessing to me), new jobs, God’s faithfulness…it really never ends. God is good…all the time.

So, farewell 2009. You have been good to me in so many ways but the time has come for us to part and go our separate ways. I will always remember you but rather than looking back, I am looking forward to what is to come, whatever that may be.